Wow, let’s take a moment to review the kind of craziness and non-sensities about our favorite addiction.
Lost time, money and memories to name a few. “How did we get here and who are you?” Are quick and common observations of such actions but there is the after. The way after when we finally stop participating in said activities.
What one does not hear about is that your mind goes completely blank and I mean blank like an empty space when you begin recovery. How one thinks, remembers and interprets information from that point on is very different than before.
Don’t confuse before with being anything productive. After all, we were intoxicated. Now that we are not, we find ourselves mindless. Just incase anyone is wondering, No we are not the happy go lucky smiley bunch. Obviously, before someone became an alcoholic/addict they were a##holes to begin with.
Now that we are recuperating from our debauchery we find that we don’t know how to do much else. All we talk about is not doing what we did before. That’s it.
There is an aside here and this is where I insert the word/term “structure”. This is essentially the architecture of ones habits over time. It sounds good but seriously, what am I structuring?
I wake up, go to the gym.”look for a job” and there is something to be said about that; and go to aa meetings all night. Also, I am unemployed and homeless. One would think that this would be a spring board for some coarse of action. But with little if any social skills and a mental disorder that is compounding with symptoms as we speak, where can I go and what could I do that would be more productive than typing on a computer to job listings that really are a computer automated response and searching for a place of residence that is above any price tag that I can meet.
I want to say time passed me by but the truth is I never had a handle on time to begin with. Everyone I have met is a paper cut out of some magazine that turned into a picture on a social media website. Where does this go?..