Tag Archives: grey

Jammed Gears

Dogs at a Bar

At AA Meetings we admit ones faults and short comings. Because some if not all of us are dysfunctional in some ways.

After a share, revealing a part of myself that describes a few of my many…faults or maladjustments if you will;

I was relieved of some anxiety and [We] decided to celebrate by smoking a cigarette after the meeting.

On the way to a fellowship, i.e. food;___

As I was coming down from admitting my faults and passed transgressions, a set (three) of women pass by. One of which with some exceptional legs.

[Our heads turn]

Delilah: “We need gum.”

Cat: “Go!”

Jeff floored the accelerator.

The hotrod had it’s tires spinning. Drifting… we spilled out the side.

We blew a gasket.

The rest of the group, i.e. Delilah, Gray; went seeking gum at the nearby bodega (corner store).

Granted, with the substantial loss of time, “Legs” and her friends were gone. Delilah, Gray and Cat went to the restaurant to meet the fellowship. After 2-hours of getting fat, ordering a fat plat with some fat salad, washed down with fat juice; Seth and Jeff return with our gum.

With the exemption of two pieces of gum that we share, we ate the whole pack. When I say the whole pack I mean fourteen pieces of gum. Spearmint after spearmint. Granted nobody wants to be “the guy with the breathe” but you have to be “the guy in their face” before you get to the breathe. See also Blow-a-Gasket, also ED Eating Disorder.


Who Am I

This is not about me, actually it is but it’s also about the other guy.

Q: Tell me about the “Other Guy”: He is always listening, watching. You meet him in passing and sometimes get his attention, he’s not very nice.

About Jennifer: She invites herself over from time to time. I usually keep my distance because she likes to “fall”. She is in a dark place and that is where she is. She smokes and likes to break up.
I don’t get lonely or bored really. I usually get tired doing repetitive tasks that become routine.

There is a part that I envy and…I wouldn’t say dismiss, it’s just that I find him pompous and arrogant yet I admire his discipline, his structure. I call him Josh, he likes perfection.

Blue likes to play and entertain. S/He is new and setting well.

Red is brave and energetic. She also has a temper that keeps mine in check. I keep her around because she is calculating and manipulative.

Then there is “Where was I?..” or We/I. He is in the center most people meet him. I am also moody.

It’s not the same. It’s the fall that we like. The fall is a feeling of exhilaration but you also do it for the drop, the release. Feeling the acceleration and your weight drop, which lasts about 15 seconds then you’re free…

This is My Relapse

This is what i do for fun, torture my soul.

It’s like a fall…

It’s like a dream.

I am nothing. (shut the fuck up, play the real game.)

I hate myself.

Laugh at me, laugh at me, laugh at me.

Because it’s so beautiful.