Tag Archives: bipolar

Delilah’s Jealousy

I have a jealous shadow personality.

[How do [We] explain this to people?]

3think

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Acting…maybe I am just crazy.

I have spent most/all of my life Color Bucketsacting. Differently and the same. I behave differently around different people and places. How do you want to see me?.. [I have acted for so long, that I don’t know how to act]

I don’t know. I have never ‘really’ seen my reflection.

The most common response I have received is the a##hole. A drunken childish fool that knows little about anything. Now that that has been revealed, in the past and understood, I can put him to rest, dead. Everybody knows him and nobody likes him, not even us.

So this is where we are.

We are a group of people. You think you know us, we think…perhaps. How do you want to look at me? That is just a ‘trick’ question. We were just asking. That’s all. Just asking. After all we only take our consideration seriously, see ‘worth inquiry’. Everyone else’s thoughts is like a color that splashes off another person, like the reflection off a surface. It is ok, we understand.

Like walking through a forrest of smoke and mirrors. Look at this…just saying. Don’t take us personally, we don’t.

Let’s take off the mask.

[Guess what?]

There is another mask. More like a color shifting to another color. You don’t need to figure us out, it’s not like that’s what we are doing. Do you really want to know what is inside our heads?.. We’ll tell you later.

Like a curtain lifting to another stage, or mirror, or…

How do we think of us?..

There’s a thought?

3think

Who Am I

This is not about me, actually it is but it’s also about the other guy.

Q: Tell me about the “Other Guy”: He is always listening, watching. You meet him in passing and sometimes get his attention, he’s not very nice.

About Jennifer: She invites herself over from time to time. I usually keep my distance because she likes to “fall”. She is in a dark place and that is where she is. She smokes and likes to break up.
I don’t get lonely or bored really. I usually get tired doing repetitive tasks that become routine.

There is a part that I envy and…I wouldn’t say dismiss, it’s just that I find him pompous and arrogant yet I admire his discipline, his structure. I call him Josh, he likes perfection.

Blue likes to play and entertain. S/He is new and setting well.

Red is brave and energetic. She also has a temper that keeps mine in check. I keep her around because she is calculating and manipulative.

Then there is “Where was I?..” or We/I. He is in the center most people meet him. I am also moody.

It’s not the same. It’s the fall that we like. The fall is a feeling of exhilaration but you also do it for the drop, the release. Feeling the acceleration and your weight drop, which lasts about 15 seconds then you’re free…

This is How I Feel

Cave 1  I’l be relaxed smiling. So long as I’m interacting with others. So long as I’m doing an activity that distracts me from myself. Sports, socializing, work, sex, gambling, smoking, drinking, fighting, working out, cooking, cleaning, packing, unpacking, rearranging furniture, shopping, driving, etc.

3think

Balance Shift

Balance Shift

Polarity (Subject)

I try to remain present, in my current state but if I get stale (not doing anything) my mind/mood drifts.

I begin to get chaotic. I don’t want to but I can’t help it.

I don’t always exist in my present (time/what I’m doing/present) but also flow through an everlasting current of stimuli and thought/feeling.

3think