If I didn’t have ten packs of gum on me, I wouldn’t have any.
At AA Meetings we admit ones faults and short comings. Because some if not all of us are dysfunctional in some ways.
After a share, revealing a part of myself that describes a few of my many…faults or maladjustments if you will;
I was relieved of some anxiety and [We] decided to celebrate by smoking a cigarette after the meeting.
On the way to a fellowship, i.e. food;___
As I was coming down from admitting my faults and passed transgressions, a set (three) of women pass by. One of which with some exceptional legs.
[Our heads turn]
Delilah: “We need gum.”
Jeff floored the accelerator.
The hotrod had it’s tires spinning. Drifting… we spilled out the side.
We blew a gasket.
The rest of the group, i.e. Delilah, Gray; went seeking gum at the nearby bodega (corner store).
Granted, with the substantial loss of time, “Legs” and her friends were gone. Delilah, Gray and Cat went to the restaurant to meet the fellowship. After 2-hours of getting fat, ordering a fat plat with some fat salad, washed down with fat juice; Seth and Jeff return with our gum.
With the exemption of two pieces of gum that we share, we ate the whole pack. When I say the whole pack I mean fourteen pieces of gum. Spearmint after spearmint. Granted nobody wants to be “the guy with the breathe” but you have to be “the guy in their face” before you get to the breathe. See also Blow-a-Gasket, also ED Eating Disorder.
My name is Seth.
I have a jealous shadow personality.
[How do [We] explain this to people?]
Wow, let’s take a moment to review the kind of craziness and non-sensities about our favorite addiction.
Lost time, money and memories to name a few. “How did we get here and who are you?” Are quick and common observations of such actions but there is the after. The way after when we finally stop participating in said activities.
What one does not hear about is that your mind goes completely blank and I mean blank like an empty space when you begin recovery. How one thinks, remembers and interprets information from that point on is very different than before.
Don’t confuse before with being anything productive. After all, we were intoxicated. Now that we are not, we find ourselves mindless. Just incase anyone is wondering, No we are not the happy go lucky smiley bunch. Obviously, before someone became an alcoholic/addict they were a##holes to begin with.
Now that we are recuperating from our debauchery we find that we don’t know how to do much else. All we talk about is not doing what we did before. That’s it.
There is an aside here and this is where I insert the word/term “structure”. This is essentially the architecture of ones habits over time. It sounds good but seriously, what am I structuring?
I wake up, go to the gym.”look for a job” and there is something to be said about that; and go to aa meetings all night. Also, I am unemployed and homeless. One would think that this would be a spring board for some coarse of action. But with little if any social skills and a mental disorder that is compounding with symptoms as we speak, where can I go and what could I do that would be more productive than typing on a computer to job listings that really are a computer automated response and searching for a place of residence that is above any price tag that I can meet.
I want to say time passed me by but the truth is I never had a handle on time to begin with. Everyone I have met is a paper cut out of some magazine that turned into a picture on a social media website. Where does this go?..